Visit St Petersberg? I’d rather go to Peterborough

russgags0.jpg

Did you hear the one about the Russian politician who wouldn’t take a bribe?

Me neither.

 

Did you hear the one about the Russian who got a fair trial?

Me neither.

 

Did you hear the one about the Russian cop who turned up to work sober?

Me neither.

 

Why do Ladas have the engine in the back?

More room at the front for the bodies.

 

Did you hear the one about freedom of speech in Russia?

███████████████████████████████████████████

 

Did you hear the one about the 20,000 murdered Chechens?

No, I only get Russian TV.

 

Did you hear the one about how much Russia has changed since 1916?

Me neither.

 

What did the Russian sailor say when he saw unarmed British fishing boats?

“Battle stations”

 

Did you hear the one the Russian sailor told when he saw the Japanese navy?

The punchline was a washout.

 

  russgags1.jpg

Banzai!

 

What did the Russian soldier say when he saw the Japanese army?

They don’t have eyes in the back of their heads.

 

Did you hear the one about the Tchaikovsky performance in his hometown?

They used canister.

 

In America you march on gay pride. In Russia gay pride gets marched on!