Will posting from my phone work?

Even if I include smilies? 😘🍵🔺🏠👃👎🐦😲🏩🍆🐢🗾🎌

 

Well, anyway. Last night I had a dream that involved a trip to “France”. But every single street looked like the Arc Du Triomphe / Central Bucharest / George Terrace in Bath / The Vatican / St Petersberg… so it was clearly supposed to be Homonia, the gay homeland from my comics. Anyway, me and some friends were getting in a car, when this lawyer type gets in, and asks if any of us have this old Nintendo console, which supposedly came out in between the Gamecube and Wii, and was a huge flop.

The driver (with light brown skin, long, dark brown hair and black eyes – very hot) said he did, and the lawyer type said he was responsible for pirating it, and would have him arrested. But then we drove around for ages and nothing happened.

Then we all realised that having the guy who wants to escape driving wasn’t the best idea, and I reached over and grabbed the wheel, while my friend Kate reached her feet over to work the pedals (the car was like the first Renault Grande Scenic, only with a 3×3 seating plan, and a different, and more sensible, dashboard).

Anyway, we tried to erratically drive somewhere, but the guy jumped out and ran into one of the many giant buildings (covered with many marble neoclassical details). A huge fight started in the lobby, and he somehow locked most of the others in a small room. It was left to me and the lawyer type to just hang on, and wait for him to tire himself out XD.

Oh, also, the dream only occupied about 5 minutes of sleep!

The CRUNCH is here!

…was the occasional title of a British comic, but I couldn’t google image search a picture of it when it was using that title. Though I did get sidetracked by a blog where a guy was complaining about The Beano being 85p. 85p, eh?

Anyway, the CRUNCH the post refers to is actually the one in my life. My mum’s work is relocating to near London, and she, as the only ‘breadwinner’ of the family (my dad stays at home to look after granny now) will have to go with them. That means that my intention of moving out as soon as possible now has a solid deadline. They’re going to have to get a much smaller house, being closer to London, so there won’t be room for much else after all the arrangements for granny to get about. 

Ah well, I think it’s about time I got out of the family home, I am nearly 30 for fuck’s sake. Don’t want to get a reputation as a “shut in” XD.

fxharu06.jpg

I merely want to be in a shut-in

The first step is to get a better-paying job, for real this time XD. Got me eye on one at the moment, going to work on the application for that over this week. I’m actually kind of over-qualified for it, but having gone to university gives me some of the required experience for it (as it’s in a university XD). It also pays pretty bloody well.

Other steps are going to include selling the Mini, selling or giving away many books, and no more holidays or festivals. My probable final “lavish” purchase of a volume of bound comics is currently on it’s way.

miniout05.jpg

T_T Always hoped I’d drive this once more

I’m giving myself until August to get a better-paying job (and/or long-term relationship with somebody who I can share rent with… hah), and if I can’t find one here by then, I’ll say “sod it” and go ALT’ing. Though if I do go, it will probably have to be forever, which will mean getting citizenship and all that ‘fun’ stuff I’d been thinking about when I was still with Yasue.

 nippon1.jpg

This again!

Honesty and Transparency: To avoid any chance of damaging my chances of getting a better paying job, I’ve censored all the posts I made ranting about my work. BUT I had a pretty shitty day today, so pictures of dangerous / wasteful / stupid things will continue to build up in private posts. If anybody whistleblows something really dangerous at my workplace, I’ll take that as ‘permission’ to unleash them again, but for now they’re only visible to logged-in trolls XD.

FX Haruhi

I was wandering Japanese videos on Youtube, probably looking for Ryukoka / Gunka, or WW2-era propaganda footage, when I ran across a Christmas video from this bona omi:

fxharu01.jpg –  fxharu02.jpg – fxharu03.jpg

That text scrolling across him is because these videos originally come from Nico Nico, which displays comments scrolling across the screen at the point in the video where they were made. You’ll see those a lot as this story unfolds…

Why yes, that is a sexy Christmas elf costume sold in kinky shops. I re-found the video about a month after, when I went back to my own channel for something and saw the record of a comment I’d posted on it. I scanned about looking for more videos of this guy, and discovered he’s got quite a line in cross-dressing:

fxharu04.jpg – fxharu05.jpg – fxharu06.jpg

fxharu07.jpg –  fxharu08.jpg – fxharu09.jpg

And yes, his lallies are rather bona, too:

fxharu10.jpg

Holy shit do I want that

I noticed that videos of him, ripped from Nico Nico, had been uploaded by many different people. A sure sign that he is, for better or for worse, internet “famous”. Google Chrome translations revealed many negative comments saying things like “death”, “scrap” and “scum”. I’m guessing it’s worse.

I found out he was calling himself Haruhi Suzumiya. Unfortunately, I quickly found out that was the name of a famous manga character, and so not much help. But I also noticed that FX (ForEx, for foreign exchange) trading was mentioned in conjunction with him a lot. I googled “FX Haruhi”, which offered to autocorrect to “FX ハルヒ”, and the hunt was on! I found, er, this:

fxharu11.jpg

Machine translated once again, as all the text bits in this entry will be

http://www43.atwiki.jp/niconamafx/pages/15.html appears to be a website with ‘profiles’ of people who have become infamous on the Japanese-language internet, and he’s one of them. That thing about him being “neat” is actually a mistranslation of NEET, or Not in Education, Employment or Training. It was originally used in a British government report to describe people on the dole, but has since been seized upon by far-eastern geeks. In Japan it’s become synonymous with Hikkomori, or “shut ins”, kids who are so socially awkward they never go out at all. But FX Haruhi is not quite that extreme.

The site follows up with a list of his, er, “sins”

fxharu12.jpg

“Preformatted doubly eyes”? Piss off, his eyes are gorgeous

Apparently he exposed some bank account details accidentally on one video, and these people have “made a beggar many times”. They then follow up with loads of salacious stalker gossip on how often he has a bath. Who really has the moral high ground here, eh?

fxharu13.jpg

Then there’s his sins in FX trading. Apparently he lost (a lot of the machine translations say he “dissolved” or “melted” XD) 10, 17 or 20 million yen (not as much as millions of pounds, but still a lot), which was apparently his parents’. OR which he had won at Pachinko (Japanese “gambling”, which you technically can’t play for cash, but everybody does), which he had apparently been playing under-age.

fxharu14.jpg

FX Trading, yesterday.

Though from his mother’s reactions in several videos, it probably was his parents’ money he wasted. He certainly seems to like gambling, in fact he even has a bandit in his room, and plays it on one of the videos XD.

fxharu15.jpg

Still looking adorable ^-^

After a video of his loss, and his mother screaming at him (The video where this apparently happened, though of course I can’t understand anything beyond a lot of “nan da yo”, is zoomed in, has another window covering up the ‘action’, and millions of Nico Nico scrolling comments in all colours), the story was picked up by some minor Japanese news sites. The machine translations doing the usual hatchet job:

fxharu16.jpg – fxharu17.jpg

http://blog.livedoor.jp/dqnplus/archives/1621104.html

http://rocketnews24.com/?p=93673

Mind you, at other times he doesn’t seem too badly off (the videos have all been deleted and re-uploaded by random people, it’s impossible to work out a proper chronology):

fxharu18.jpg

Keep it there, chum. It’s safter than turning it randomly into Euros and back

His mum often appears in the videos, but isn’t always ranting either. In the Christmas video I saw first she is for a bit, even when he tries to bribe her (XD). In another one they’re both vlogging and drinking together XD.

fxharu19.jpg – fxharu20.jpg – fxharu21.jpg

Still that doesn’t stop the flow of negative comments. Here’s a typical one. Something tells me that the poster can’t be trusted, though.

 fxharu22.jpg

LOL, “scrap” again

The wiki entry I found about him also has a list of quotations from him and his mum. Hilariously, the translation of a website created by people who are more sympathetic to her called her a “hag”.

fxharu23.jpg

Then there was “the damn war and bloodshed”. The translators have really gone to town on this one!

fxharu24.jpg

What?

It starts off with him talking normally, then he leaves and there’s a great deal of shouting from him, his mum and somebody else. With the usual excitable text speculating on what is happening:

fxharu25.jpg – fxharu26.jpg

Then he comes back like this:

 fxharu27.jpg – fxharu28.jpg

How dare anybody injure such beauty?

Apparently he tried to borrow ¥30,000 off somebody, possibly his grandfather, somebody dodgy, or another trader. That person came to visit and trouble ensued (one translation of one of the mirrors of the video even implies it was the police who came round(!)). The Wiki mentions this too, saying it happened in March last year

fxharu29.jpg

Youtube commenters reacted with the typical level of sympathy:

fxharu30.jpg

10? 17? 20? Make your bloody minds up

An artist also got an Ukiyo-e style “fanart” tagged on his (well, possibly his) Nico Nico page:

fxharu31.jpg

Oh dear…

But despite all that mess, he’s still gorgeous, isn’t he? Which brings us on to where this post is going, namely that

I WANT TO BE HIS BOYFRIEND!

fxharu32.jpg

TAI-HE-I-YO-O-OO!

Why yes, that is a very wonkily-drawn rendering of the Mikasa, a product of the Anglo-Japanese alliance. I want to Anglo-Japanese a-lie with him, all right. I even bought a comic on the subject:

fxharu32a.jpg

Bad teeth, ugly smile. This pic took like 30 goes before I produced a non-blurry one, so it will have to do >.<

Just look at him! “Doubly eyes”, indeed. His eyes are wonderful :3

fxharu33.jpg – fxharu34.jpg – fxharu35.jpg

<3 <3 <3

BUT, is he so? Well there IS one video where he’s trying to flirt with an American girl who owns lots of snakes (well, he’s typing pre-made lovey phrases to her whilst actually talking to somebody else on Skype XD)

fxharu36.jpg – fxharu37.jpg – fxharu38.jpg

We also learn that a Jigglypuff is called a Purin in Japan.

But then again, some of the things he does in other vids are rather camp:

fxharu39.jpg – fxharu40.jpg

That second one is a funny delayed reaction to delicious noodles XD

There’s also a report on that wiki page that he “raised a queer voice” while shirtless in front of a station, before “collaborating” with the police. Could be have been trolling for trade? XD

fxharu42.jpg

Mind you, after that we have more records of financial misdemeanors. I hope, if we ever get gay married (do they even have that in Japan?) that he doesn’t Jew me out of my money, like a Turk.

And while not an indication of blueness per se, he does like cute cats, including a very sweet and squeaky tiny kitten ^;^

fxharu43.jpg – fxharu44.jpg

fxharu45.jpg – fxharu46.jpg

Anyway, having become very intrigued by his enchanting beauty, I had to go and search for ‘legit’ pages actually written by him. I found what appears to be his Twitter. Apparently he recently bought a car, so can’t be doing all that badly, even after “melting” so much money.

fxharu47.jpg

https://twitter.com/suzumiyakurona

And as this is an eye-candy post in the newly created eye-candy category, here’s just a bunch of other pictures of him I collected but couldn’t slip into (ooh, ain’t ‘e bold?) the post any other way.

fxharu48.jpg – fxharu49.jpg – fxharu50.jpg

fxharu51.jpg – fxharu52.jpg – fxharu53.jpg

Remember to cut out and keep your voucher

 “But wait” you say. “What’s this about him raising a queer voice while shirtless outside a station? Did the wiki-creators follow him about, or did he film that?”. Well, unfortuately the video is at powerpoint framerate, but we do get a glimpse:

fxharu54.jpg

Holy shit do I want to possess that

And then his “collaboration with” the Saitama police:

fxharu55.jpg

Oh dear…

He really ought to move away from his detractors and the bad memories, and make a fresh start elsewhere. Now I’m not making any sort of undue suggestions about drastic moves halfway across the world, but, well…

fxharu56.jpg

 Nobody gonna take my guy, gonna keep him to the end

Nobody gonna take my guy, he stays close on every bend

 Ooh, he’s a killin’ machine, got everything

Like a movin’ mouth, body control, and everything

I love him, I need him, I see him

Yeah, he turns me on

All right, Hold Tight, I’M A HIGHWAY STAAAR!