FX Haruhi

I was wandering Japanese videos on Youtube, probably looking for Ryukoka / Gunka, or WW2-era propaganda footage, when I ran across a Christmas video from this bona omi:

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That text scrolling across him is because these videos originally come from Nico Nico, which displays comments scrolling across the screen at the point in the video where they were made. You’ll see those a lot as this story unfolds…

Why yes, that is a sexy Christmas elf costume sold in kinky shops. I re-found the video about a month after, when I went back to my own channel for something and saw the record of a comment I’d posted on it. I scanned about looking for more videos of this guy, and discovered he’s got quite a line in cross-dressing:

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And yes, his lallies are rather bona, too:

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Holy shit do I want that

I noticed that videos of him, ripped from Nico Nico, had been uploaded by many different people. A sure sign that he is, for better or for worse, internet “famous”. Google Chrome translations revealed many negative comments saying things like “death”, “scrap” and “scum”. I’m guessing it’s worse.

I found out he was calling himself Haruhi Suzumiya. Unfortunately, I quickly found out that was the name of a famous manga character, and so not much help. But I also noticed that FX (ForEx, for foreign exchange) trading was mentioned in conjunction with him a lot. I googled “FX Haruhi”, which offered to autocorrect to “FX ハルヒ”, and the hunt was on! I found, er, this:

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Machine translated once again, as all the text bits in this entry will be

http://www43.atwiki.jp/niconamafx/pages/15.html appears to be a website with ‘profiles’ of people who have become infamous on the Japanese-language internet, and he’s one of them. That thing about him being “neat” is actually a mistranslation of NEET, or Not in Education, Employment or Training. It was originally used in a British government report to describe people on the dole, but has since been seized upon by far-eastern geeks. In Japan it’s become synonymous with Hikkomori, or “shut ins”, kids who are so socially awkward they never go out at all. But FX Haruhi is not quite that extreme.

The site follows up with a list of his, er, “sins”

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“Preformatted doubly eyes”? Piss off, his eyes are gorgeous

Apparently he exposed some bank account details accidentally on one video, and these people have “made a beggar many times”. They then follow up with loads of salacious stalker gossip on how often he has a bath. Who really has the moral high ground here, eh?

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Then there’s his sins in FX trading. Apparently he lost (a lot of the machine translations say he “dissolved” or “melted” XD) 10, 17 or 20 million yen (not as much as millions of pounds, but still a lot), which was apparently his parents’. OR which he had won at Pachinko (Japanese “gambling”, which you technically can’t play for cash, but everybody does), which he had apparently been playing under-age.

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FX Trading, yesterday.

Though from his mother’s reactions in several videos, it probably was his parents’ money he wasted. He certainly seems to like gambling, in fact he even has a bandit in his room, and plays it on one of the videos XD.

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Still looking adorable ^-^

After a video of his loss, and his mother screaming at him (The video where this apparently happened, though of course I can’t understand anything beyond a lot of “nan da yo”, is zoomed in, has another window covering up the ‘action’, and millions of Nico Nico scrolling comments in all colours), the story was picked up by some minor Japanese news sites. The machine translations doing the usual hatchet job:

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http://blog.livedoor.jp/dqnplus/archives/1621104.html

http://rocketnews24.com/?p=93673

Mind you, at other times he doesn’t seem too badly off (the videos have all been deleted and re-uploaded by random people, it’s impossible to work out a proper chronology):

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Keep it there, chum. It’s safter than turning it randomly into Euros and back

His mum often appears in the videos, but isn’t always ranting either. In the Christmas video I saw first she is for a bit, even when he tries to bribe her (XD). In another one they’re both vlogging and drinking together XD.

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Still that doesn’t stop the flow of negative comments. Here’s a typical one. Something tells me that the poster can’t be trusted, though.

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LOL, “scrap” again

The wiki entry I found about him also has a list of quotations from him and his mum. Hilariously, the translation of a website created by people who are more sympathetic to her called her a “hag”.

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Then there was “the damn war and bloodshed”. The translators have really gone to town on this one!

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What?

It starts off with him talking normally, then he leaves and there’s a great deal of shouting from him, his mum and somebody else. With the usual excitable text speculating on what is happening:

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Then he comes back like this:

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How dare anybody injure such beauty?

Apparently he tried to borrow ¥30,000 off somebody, possibly his grandfather, somebody dodgy, or another trader. That person came to visit and trouble ensued (one translation of one of the mirrors of the video even implies it was the police who came round(!)). The Wiki mentions this too, saying it happened in March last year

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Youtube commenters reacted with the typical level of sympathy:

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10? 17? 20? Make your bloody minds up

An artist also got an Ukiyo-e style “fanart” tagged on his (well, possibly his) Nico Nico page:

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Oh dear…

But despite all that mess, he’s still gorgeous, isn’t he? Which brings us on to where this post is going, namely that

I WANT TO BE HIS BOYFRIEND!

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TAI-HE-I-YO-O-OO!

Why yes, that is a very wonkily-drawn rendering of the Mikasa, a product of the Anglo-Japanese alliance. I want to Anglo-Japanese a-lie with him, all right. I even bought a comic on the subject:

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Bad teeth, ugly smile. This pic took like 30 goes before I produced a non-blurry one, so it will have to do >.<

Just look at him! “Doubly eyes”, indeed. His eyes are wonderful :3

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<3 <3 <3

BUT, is he so? Well there IS one video where he’s trying to flirt with an American girl who owns lots of snakes (well, he’s typing pre-made lovey phrases to her whilst actually talking to somebody else on Skype XD)

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We also learn that a Jigglypuff is called a Purin in Japan.

But then again, some of the things he does in other vids are rather camp:

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That second one is a funny delayed reaction to delicious noodles XD

There’s also a report on that wiki page that he “raised a queer voice” while shirtless in front of a station, before “collaborating” with the police. Could be have been trolling for trade? XD

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Mind you, after that we have more records of financial misdemeanors. I hope, if we ever get gay married (do they even have that in Japan?) that he doesn’t Jew me out of my money, like a Turk.

And while not an indication of blueness per se, he does like cute cats, including a very sweet and squeaky tiny kitten ^;^

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Anyway, having become very intrigued by his enchanting beauty, I had to go and search for ‘legit’ pages actually written by him. I found what appears to be his Twitter. Apparently he recently bought a car, so can’t be doing all that badly, even after “melting” so much money.

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https://twitter.com/suzumiyakurona

And as this is an eye-candy post in the newly created eye-candy category, here’s just a bunch of other pictures of him I collected but couldn’t slip into (ooh, ain’t ‘e bold?) the post any other way.

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Remember to cut out and keep your voucher

 “But wait” you say. “What’s this about him raising a queer voice while shirtless outside a station? Did the wiki-creators follow him about, or did he film that?”. Well, unfortuately the video is at powerpoint framerate, but we do get a glimpse:

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Holy shit do I want to possess that

And then his “collaboration with” the Saitama police:

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Oh dear…

He really ought to move away from his detractors and the bad memories, and make a fresh start elsewhere. Now I’m not making any sort of undue suggestions about drastic moves halfway across the world, but, well…

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 Nobody gonna take my guy, gonna keep him to the end

Nobody gonna take my guy, he stays close on every bend

 Ooh, he’s a killin’ machine, got everything

Like a movin’ mouth, body control, and everything

I love him, I need him, I see him

Yeah, he turns me on

All right, Hold Tight, I’M A HIGHWAY STAAAR!

Silly cat

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Pace Farm

Yes, that’s an oven glove.

Also I did some epic defrosting last week at work but have been too lazy to post a proper entry about it yet. I was writing an entry about Graffix books in my comic blog and it took all bloody night. Oh well I’ll get around to the defrosting pictures soon I hope.

Still wondering if I ought to try and become an ALT in Japan again. It seems like my girlfriend doesn’t give a shit about the relationship any more and I hardly have any other reason to go there long term (it doesn’t take a year to see the Mikasa, Jimbocho and the Yasukuni Shrine!). She won’t “officially” break up with me but I consider myself “open to better offers” XD. The better offer preferably having cute hair (short on girls, long on guys) brown or black eyes and living within 50 miles!

Other bits

Another ISO experiment, this time on the sunset reflecting on some passing clouds…

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Also on my comic blog I recently posted an opinion piece about why “manga” is not some magic potion that will “save” British comics. A few days later I was looking through a 90’s Beano and discovered that actually, format wise, there had been a “British manga” – called Graffix! Shame nobody took the slighest bit of notice.

Graffix books aren’t drawn in the big-eyed, small nosed style and loaded with sound effects (including for things that don’t even have sounds, such as the fact a room is messy). They also have loads of “wall of text” captions so that the blurb can claim that it’s “part book, part comic!”. Of course those of us in on the joke know that proper British adventure comics always had big wall of text captions!

Anyway, these books cost me 1p each, and £2.80 delivery… each! Talk about being stung. I even dilligently ordered them all from the same seller (a reseller on Amazon, not Ebay) in the hope of a discounted delivery. They all came in one package, and with delivery costs worked out at around £44!

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I bet this didn’t cost £44 to post!

In other news it’s been stupidly hot for the past two days, after a very mild summer with very few truly hot days. Still having the heat now means we don’t get swarms of those tiny black insects that walk all over you!

Also my granny came to live here (in some extra rooms we built on the back of the house) just under 2 weeks ago.

Also things are going “maybe” with my girlfriend. She hasn’t texted me or sent internet messages or anything since July, and only answers the phone every other time I ring, but when she does answer it she acts like the relationship is still the same as it always was and this is just a matter of course @_@. It’s very confusing and I’m not sure how much longer my patience will last. If another (very!) kawaii girl or guy came to me I’d probably get with them, in the current state of things. Especially if they lived closer than two continents away.

Lezz textzz

On Friday my girlfriend asked me not to text her so often (IE once a day). Earlier I was looking at our old chats on Myspace messages (back when Myspace, well, worked) and she was complaining that we “didn’t talk enough”.

This is not the end, it is not the beginning of the end

But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.

At least it will be easier to sell a British-style comic to it’s target audience if I’m still in the same country.

In other bad news I know/fancy a couple who live in Oslo who don’t appear to have updated their facebook/twitter etc pages since the bomb. o.o

<3

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Hurrah for half-arsed tributes

Today marks 2 years since my darling girlfriend Yasue told me she loved me back. 2 days after I told her I loved her after we’d spent much of an extreme metal festival looking into each other’s eyes instead of at the bands. She is very sweet #^^#

Anyway to celebrate I clearly need to do something “Japanese” like… um… er…

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Best I could do.

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The chocolate bars are like Aero’s but the outer shell is thicker. No room for egg as I just ate 8 MILLION TONS of shredded crispy duck, hoi sin sauce and egg fried rice.

Another Japanese thing I could have done would be read book 4 of Bakuman, but I didn’t buy it at the weekend because I wanted to be “proper” and buy it at the London MCM Expo which is coming up later in the month.

Also I have the 1940 Champion Annual to read… amongst others.