I’m done with Doctor Who.

Because what the FUCK is this SHIT?

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I was also interested, on my other blog, to note that India will apparently be more monoracial in 300 years time. Imagine if they showed a similar scene in the Britain of 2314, with all white characters?

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And what’s this in the next issue? “The Weeping Angels of Mons”. Note they are going to end up in “the trenches”. The trenches, as in those things that hadn’t been dug at the time of the retreat from Mons?

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Never mind, eh? No doubt the whole point of the story is to say “the right things” about class war (class war from the perspective of yanks, anyway. Or maybe Brits who wish they were yanks, which is even worse). You can see the heartless generals ordering working class men into No-man’s Land at gunpoint already, can’t you? Never mind that they were actually being led into battle by junior officers, most from exactly the same educated, privileged background as those generals, and an order of maginitude more likely to be killed. As they were supposed to be “leading by example”, and snipers always went for officers. To say nothing of the fact that several of those junior officers, leading their men to doom, may have been the nephews or sons of the generals planning the attack… or even that 22 generals themselves died in pointless charges, over the course of the war (no doubt trying to prove that their amazing “run towards the enemy’s machine guns” tactics will work, this time).

Still, we all know what “amazing, shocking revelation” is coming up on the TV show. I suspect a lot of people are planning to bail, at that point. I might as well just git while the gittin’s gud. It’s made for San Francisco hipsters, now, anyway. It’s no longer for the likes of us. The £40-a-year-licence, stripped-to-bare-bones BBC can’t come soon enough, if you ask me.

EDIT: I had a peek at the next issue in the shop. Yeah, tin helmets and trenches before Archduke Ferdinand’s body was even cold. Top research, there.

The Story of the Whos

Note: all pictures in this post are the copyright of “Peter Green”, creator of The Story of the Whos.

(Though I’ll be doing some fanart of my own before long)

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A while ago, I was on 4chan, wasting time, when I found a cringe thread. That thread contained a link to a video called “The Story of the Whos”, with MS Paint artwork. I was expecting it to be a hilariously-inaccurate “history of Doctor Who”, created by a teen girl who discovered the show during the Tennant Era. But actually it was something cool – a guy who has come up with a huge, epic story about a race of “tiny” people (or, human-sized people who live on a planet many thousands of times larger than Earth, but still with an earth-like climate and gravity) called the Whos (after Horton Hears a Who, an old children’s book) who are fighting the Lice, a race of heartless, cloned soldiers who live for destruction.

Anyway, the guy first came up with the story in elementary (primary) school, and acted out battles with things like sticks, paperclips and tiny bits of paper representing tanks, fighters and giant flying “ships”, which are heavily armoured and not plane-shaped. He’s kept the story going ever since, drawing inspiration from places he’s visited in real life. There’s a bit of time-dilation, though. Two years of middle school became a 20-year battle, while winters spent at home passed in “real time”.

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As I said, the planet this is set on is like Earth, but thousands of times bigger. To the Whos and Lice, though, the gravity, weather etc are the same. This would be against the laws of physics in real life (it’s unlikely you’d get a rocky planet that large, to start with…), but it makes for a cool environment to set the story in. My money’s on it being an incredibly ancient Dyson Sphere, which was built, then deserted, millions upon millions of years ago. Icy and rocky meteorites bombarded the outside, creating vast mountains, forests, oceans and an atmosphere (this is also “to scale”, there’s giant aerial observation platforms at altitudes that would put them well into space, if they were over Earth). The “sun” and “moon” of this planet could actually distant globular clouds of thousands of stars, which provide different amounts of light, and somehow ‘rise’ and ‘set’ over 24 hours. Of course, the size and physics of the world are up to the actual writer, “Peter Green” (may not be his actual name, he might have named his youtube channel after the main character of the story!), to explain. Also, apparently the constellations in this planet’s sky are the same as those over Earth. Well, they have the same names, anyway.

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The story itself is an epic – and is still “growing”, through the guy’s life. The first major part is about Peter and Emily Green, who live in an idyllic valley – but they think something is being hidden from them. It turns out that the war against the Lice has been going on for thousands of years, but because the planet is so big, some colonies of Whos (these “colonies” having the populations and territory of entire countries on Earth) can live for generations without even knowing about it. Anyway, Peter and Emily soon find out what is being hidden from them when Louse invasion ships show up and start killing everybody. The valley they live in, which is probably the size of Ireland, but landlocked, walled-off and with a government that forbids all knowledge of the outside world, is rapidly overwhelmed, but the government have been hiding a series of well-stocked, huge aircraft in which a few lucky members of the population escape. The one Peter and Emily are on board (they fall in love during the journey, too) eventually gets shot down, the survivors starting up a hidden village in a forest.

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The next part of the story (and the one which was ‘written’ first) is about a battle against a gigantic super-fortress called Woebarren, based on the writer’s elementary school. The villagers need medicine, so a small raiding party go back to the ship, but it is now louse-infested. They already know about the huge fortress (it is the size of a bloody mountain range!), but are kind of hoping they will be ignored. Peter and Emily are both shot, but are rescued by other Whos, who live in a giant, well-armed city-state. The people of this state knew about the village, and want to extract all the villagers, because it’s between them and Woebarren, and they are planning a major attack with artillery, armour and even nukes. The villagers are all bought to the city-state and join it’s army.

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After a number of battles, Woebarren gets infiltrated and blown up with strategically-placed nukes. A huge louse fleet attacks the Who fleet, as they flee in big air-cruisers. Peter and Emily’s ship limps away, to crash-land near an even bigger fortress called Macalavay. Other nations of Whos live nearby, and they are eventually united into an army which blows up Macalavay, too (this battle takes “20 years”). Peter and Emily Green are apparently “chosen ones”, so they live longer, can see a few seconds into the future, and other such things. The writer himself admits that’s a cheesy ripoff of Jedi Knights, but it “explains” how they can survive this brutal war for so long. Anyway, they are killed after the battle for Macalavay, giving the much-depleted Who fleet time to escape. Their children live on, finding a giant tree called Sarengarth (the planet has many of these, some are cities / fortresses, whilst others are ‘natural’, though even these may have a landing platform or outpost built on them).

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Sarengarth is an absolute monarchy, but the kindly king is being poisoned by his son, who is really in charge. Orion Green (now the main character) sorts all that out, becoming king himself, after challenging the heir to single combat. Just in time, too, because the Lice are coming! Sarengarth has a uranium mine underneath, and a powerful deflector shield powered by nuclear reactors, so it can withstand a siege for years and years. Orion also sneaks out on some secret missions (represented by times the writer went on holiday, to other parts of the USA), finding a cloaking suit, some information on the origin of the war, and new girlfriends – he gets through a lot, and they die often. Apparently the Lice have huge sky carriers, able to carry many kilometer-long cruisers at hypersonic speeds. These are represented by real-world airliners, though I’m not sure if he intends them  to be on the same scale as real life (given that a paperclip may represent one of the smaller cruisers!).

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Anyway, eventually the Lice invade the tree, but Orion survives and is taken prisoner. He escapes again, being taken in by a small, remote community. But later on they chuck him out, and he becomes a nomad, among a load of “zombies”, created by a Louse biological weapon. Sarengarth is later re-taken, but bombarded by huge amounts of nuclear weapons, which kills the millions of lice around it. Orion dies too, but has another son who carries on the fight – as do other characters such as Myron, who is also very long-lived (he helped to train Peter Green, back near the start of the story), but not one of the chosen. There’s also some outlined plot elements involving genetic modification to make the Louse biological weapons infect them, rather than Whos, and “good” Lice who have somehow shaken off their racial-hatred brainwashing.

Anyway, that’s more or less where the story is at, now. The guy has written up most of the “peaceful valley” part, as well as other sections (he’s jumping from event to event to avoid writers block), and a big overview document. But for now, I’ll leave you with the links:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jMXNuaDZ068

The main Youtube video

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRz8-d8EGtcYgd5I3KgIsKQ

The channel

http://thestoryofthewhos.tumblr.com/

The Tumblr. Really slow in my Chrome, for some reason, but quicker in IE (Firefox fucked up so badly it corrupted part of my hard drive and prevents it from being fully defragged. Fuck Firefox.). That’s probably just me, though.

https://www.dropbox.com/sh/s4brxycgtvrjf8l/AACBc1u5GTfurKIk7LinsixWa/Story%20of%20the%20Whos?dl=0

The Dropbox, contains PDF’s of the story, and other bits.

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1guwyu/what_were_you_told_you_would_grow_out_of_but/cao4xry

The story’s first “appearance”, in a Reddit thread. 

Recent stuff

The 21st of June was my 28th Birthday, for one thing. I got a nice cake with fresh cream in :3

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On nyom

On Saturday I went to Lincoln for a reunion to celebrate the 10th anniversary of the course I did at uni there. Only one person that I actually did the course with showed up, though XD. But then again I spent all three years wanting to drop out and thinking constantly about suicide, so why did I go at all? I went because Lincoln has great book shops! Here’s some of the stuff I got:

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Bit battered, but the binding is strong

The 1963 Eagle Annual. For some reason I can never find Eagle annuals in good condition. This one is probably the best one I have! These first-incarnation Eagle annuals were heavy on the text stories (though the weekly was definitely more of a comic than a story paper). But they have strips too, including, of course, him!

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Still Frank Hampson style in the annual!

I also found another interesting item, the first Viz annual! This contains various reprints from the first 12 issues, which were self-published around Newcastle in 1979 and the early 80’s.

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Some early versions of characters that are still in it today

The artwork in this early stuff is pretty rough around the edges, but the gags are as funny as always! You can see why this was Britain’s most successful ‘self-published’ (though it had gone to a big company by then) comic ever.

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I also got some older stuff, including the School Friend Annual 1955, and one of those generic XXXX For Boys books from the 30’s or 40’s. Oddly, this one has lots of stories told from the point of view of animals. I did even wonder if it was actually a more modern book, printed in the style of the old fashioned kind, by some animal rights / socialist group. But then I saw one of the other stories is about a black boy who “dares” to come to a British public school and be good at boxing, so whatever.

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Dustjacket crammed in the back too, weirdly cut up.

I also got a book that’s part of “The Magnet Library”. I have another (also got in Lincoln and also with it’s dustjacket well preserved). I used to think the stories were reprinted serials from The Magnet, but actually they aren’t. The books aren’t published by Amalgamated Press, either. The other one I own is about World War 2, and features a “good German”, even though scenes of trench warfare and secret rays suggests it was published during the actual conflict! This story is called Scouts of the Sky, and appears to be about aerial piracy.

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Looks like Porco Rosso’s plane going down

Oh and of course I got the latest Commando’s. Including another of the Gold Collection with a fantastic Ken Barr cover.

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Is it any wonder these libraries lasted longest?

There was also some sort of military display going on in the city. I think I overheard somebody saying it was a commemoration of the 98th anniversary of the start of World War 1. I only caught the very end, though.

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Different regimental flags

I also noticed some interesting writing on a tall building that’s “out on it’s own” right next to the river. Never noticed this while I was there at uni:

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Looks like it was a print works once

Wonder if there was once waterwheel-powered machinery inside?

After the wandering and buying, I went off to the reunion. I also got a few more pictures later on, of the lights of the town and reflections on the Brayford Pool

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Found some Chinese writing

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