The CRUNCH is here!

…was the occasional title of a British comic, but I couldn’t google image search a picture of it when it was using that title. Though I did get sidetracked by a blog where a guy was complaining about The Beano being 85p. 85p, eh?

Anyway, the CRUNCH the post refers to is actually the one in my life. My mum’s work is relocating to near London, and she, as the only ‘breadwinner’ of the family (my dad stays at home to look after granny now) will have to go with them. That means that my intention of moving out as soon as possible now has a solid deadline. They’re going to have to get a much smaller house, being closer to London, so there won’t be room for much else after all the arrangements for granny to get about. 

Ah well, I think it’s about time I got out of the family home, I am nearly 30 for fuck’s sake. Don’t want to get a reputation as a “shut in” XD.

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I merely want to be in a shut-in

The first step is to get a better-paying job, for real this time XD. Got me eye on one at the moment, going to work on the application for that over this week. I’m actually kind of over-qualified for it, but having gone to university gives me some of the required experience for it (as it’s in a university XD). It also pays pretty bloody well.

Other steps are going to include selling the Mini, selling or giving away many books, and no more holidays or festivals. My probable final “lavish” purchase of a volume of bound comics is currently on it’s way.

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T_T Always hoped I’d drive this once more

I’m giving myself until August to get a better-paying job (and/or long-term relationship with somebody who I can share rent with… hah), and if I can’t find one here by then, I’ll say “sod it” and go ALT’ing. Though if I do go, it will probably have to be forever, which will mean getting citizenship and all that ‘fun’ stuff I’d been thinking about when I was still with Yasue.

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This again!

Honesty and Transparency: To avoid any chance of damaging my chances of getting a better paying job, I’ve censored all the posts I made ranting about my work. BUT I had a pretty shitty day today, so pictures of dangerous / wasteful / stupid things will continue to build up in private posts. If anybody whistleblows something really dangerous at my workplace, I’ll take that as ‘permission’ to unleash them again, but for now they’re only visible to logged-in trolls XD.

FX Haruhi

I was wandering Japanese videos on Youtube, probably looking for Ryukoka / Gunka, or WW2-era propaganda footage, when I ran across a Christmas video from this bona omi:

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That text scrolling across him is because these videos originally come from Nico Nico, which displays comments scrolling across the screen at the point in the video where they were made. You’ll see those a lot as this story unfolds…

Why yes, that is a sexy Christmas elf costume sold in kinky shops. I re-found the video about a month after, when I went back to my own channel for something and saw the record of a comment I’d posted on it. I scanned about looking for more videos of this guy, and discovered he’s got quite a line in cross-dressing:

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And yes, his lallies are rather bona, too:

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Holy shit do I want that

I noticed that videos of him, ripped from Nico Nico, had been uploaded by many different people. A sure sign that he is, for better or for worse, internet “famous”. Google Chrome translations revealed many negative comments saying things like “death”, “scrap” and “scum”. I’m guessing it’s worse.

I found out he was calling himself Haruhi Suzumiya. Unfortunately, I quickly found out that was the name of a famous manga character, and so not much help. But I also noticed that FX (ForEx, for foreign exchange) trading was mentioned in conjunction with him a lot. I googled “FX Haruhi”, which offered to autocorrect to “FX ハルヒ”, and the hunt was on! I found, er, this:

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Machine translated once again, as all the text bits in this entry will be

http://www43.atwiki.jp/niconamafx/pages/15.html appears to be a website with ‘profiles’ of people who have become infamous on the Japanese-language internet, and he’s one of them. That thing about him being “neat” is actually a mistranslation of NEET, or Not in Education, Employment or Training. It was originally used in a British government report to describe people on the dole, but has since been seized upon by far-eastern geeks. In Japan it’s become synonymous with Hikkomori, or “shut ins”, kids who are so socially awkward they never go out at all. But FX Haruhi is not quite that extreme.

The site follows up with a list of his, er, “sins”

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“Preformatted doubly eyes”? Piss off, his eyes are gorgeous

Apparently he exposed some bank account details accidentally on one video, and these people have “made a beggar many times”. They then follow up with loads of salacious stalker gossip on how often he has a bath. Who really has the moral high ground here, eh?

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Then there’s his sins in FX trading. Apparently he lost (a lot of the machine translations say he “dissolved” or “melted” XD) 10, 17 or 20 million yen (not as much as millions of pounds, but still a lot), which was apparently his parents’. OR which he had won at Pachinko (Japanese “gambling”, which you technically can’t play for cash, but everybody does), which he had apparently been playing under-age.

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FX Trading, yesterday.

Though from his mother’s reactions in several videos, it probably was his parents’ money he wasted. He certainly seems to like gambling, in fact he even has a bandit in his room, and plays it on one of the videos XD.

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Still looking adorable ^-^

After a video of his loss, and his mother screaming at him (The video where this apparently happened, though of course I can’t understand anything beyond a lot of “nan da yo”, is zoomed in, has another window covering up the ‘action’, and millions of Nico Nico scrolling comments in all colours), the story was picked up by some minor Japanese news sites. The machine translations doing the usual hatchet job:

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http://blog.livedoor.jp/dqnplus/archives/1621104.html

http://rocketnews24.com/?p=93673

Mind you, at other times he doesn’t seem too badly off (the videos have all been deleted and re-uploaded by random people, it’s impossible to work out a proper chronology):

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Keep it there, chum. It’s safter than turning it randomly into Euros and back

His mum often appears in the videos, but isn’t always ranting either. In the Christmas video I saw first she is for a bit, even when he tries to bribe her (XD). In another one they’re both vlogging and drinking together XD.

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Still that doesn’t stop the flow of negative comments. Here’s a typical one. Something tells me that the poster can’t be trusted, though.

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LOL, “scrap” again

The wiki entry I found about him also has a list of quotations from him and his mum. Hilariously, the translation of a website created by people who are more sympathetic to her called her a “hag”.

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Then there was “the damn war and bloodshed”. The translators have really gone to town on this one!

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What?

It starts off with him talking normally, then he leaves and there’s a great deal of shouting from him, his mum and somebody else. With the usual excitable text speculating on what is happening:

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Then he comes back like this:

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How dare anybody injure such beauty?

Apparently he tried to borrow ¥30,000 off somebody, possibly his grandfather, somebody dodgy, or another trader. That person came to visit and trouble ensued (one translation of one of the mirrors of the video even implies it was the police who came round(!)). The Wiki mentions this too, saying it happened in March last year

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Youtube commenters reacted with the typical level of sympathy:

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10? 17? 20? Make your bloody minds up

An artist also got an Ukiyo-e style “fanart” tagged on his (well, possibly his) Nico Nico page:

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Oh dear…

But despite all that mess, he’s still gorgeous, isn’t he? Which brings us on to where this post is going, namely that

I WANT TO BE HIS BOYFRIEND!

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TAI-HE-I-YO-O-OO!

Why yes, that is a very wonkily-drawn rendering of the Mikasa, a product of the Anglo-Japanese alliance. I want to Anglo-Japanese a-lie with him, all right. I even bought a comic on the subject:

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Bad teeth, ugly smile. This pic took like 30 goes before I produced a non-blurry one, so it will have to do >.<

Just look at him! “Doubly eyes”, indeed. His eyes are wonderful :3

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<3 <3 <3

BUT, is he so? Well there IS one video where he’s trying to flirt with an American girl who owns lots of snakes (well, he’s typing pre-made lovey phrases to her whilst actually talking to somebody else on Skype XD)

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We also learn that a Jigglypuff is called a Purin in Japan.

But then again, some of the things he does in other vids are rather camp:

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That second one is a funny delayed reaction to delicious noodles XD

There’s also a report on that wiki page that he “raised a queer voice” while shirtless in front of a station, before “collaborating” with the police. Could be have been trolling for trade? XD

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Mind you, after that we have more records of financial misdemeanors. I hope, if we ever get gay married (do they even have that in Japan?) that he doesn’t Jew me out of my money, like a Turk.

And while not an indication of blueness per se, he does like cute cats, including a very sweet and squeaky tiny kitten ^;^

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Anyway, having become very intrigued by his enchanting beauty, I had to go and search for ‘legit’ pages actually written by him. I found what appears to be his Twitter. Apparently he recently bought a car, so can’t be doing all that badly, even after “melting” so much money.

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https://twitter.com/suzumiyakurona

And as this is an eye-candy post in the newly created eye-candy category, here’s just a bunch of other pictures of him I collected but couldn’t slip into (ooh, ain’t ‘e bold?) the post any other way.

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Remember to cut out and keep your voucher

 “But wait” you say. “What’s this about him raising a queer voice while shirtless outside a station? Did the wiki-creators follow him about, or did he film that?”. Well, unfortuately the video is at powerpoint framerate, but we do get a glimpse:

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Holy shit do I want to possess that

And then his “collaboration with” the Saitama police:

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Oh dear…

He really ought to move away from his detractors and the bad memories, and make a fresh start elsewhere. Now I’m not making any sort of undue suggestions about drastic moves halfway across the world, but, well…

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 Nobody gonna take my guy, gonna keep him to the end

Nobody gonna take my guy, he stays close on every bend

 Ooh, he’s a killin’ machine, got everything

Like a movin’ mouth, body control, and everything

I love him, I need him, I see him

Yeah, he turns me on

All right, Hold Tight, I’M A HIGHWAY STAAAR!

Sick ohhh

So said the Myspace blog (lol, remember those?) entry of somebody I really ought to have made more of an effort to prang once. Anyway on Saturday I thought I’d made ‘decent’ progress on the Sentinel and The Small Press Digest, and was planning to spend Sunday tapping out reviews / angry Sun-style articles to fill the pages of them. Instead I woke up on Sunday with a badly running nose and the feeling that a load of red-hot iron filings had settled on the bottom of my sinuses, wonderful.

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pictured: scientific accuracy

(Drawing that actually made the pain worse >.< I ought to draw something nice). So anyway I spent the whole day looking at dannychoo.com instead of drawing or writing. And after a sleepless night I phoned in sick to work today and did more of the same, though feeling slightly better. Ought to manage to go tomorrow. Total number of sick days used in 3 years of working there: 2!

I did go and collect lots and lots of extra-strong Lockets from Tesco though (Tunes are shit these days, the “real fruit juice” they have been “improved” with just gives them a horrendous aftertaste). Of course my dad, with his usual slug-like sub-telligence, couldn’t fathom the idea that a sleepless night of illness might not put me in the mood for doing a load of shopping. So of course he had to drone out “Cayn Yew Gäeeeeeet……” as slowly as possible while the one remaining locket in my mouth (to avoid a running nose while I’m driving) rapidly vanished.

My brother also moved out of the house yesterday, ahh peace and quiet. No longer will I have to suffer his “sense of humour”. Which amounts to loudly repeating a lolarious line from some podcast he’s listened to, out of context, for a fucking month.

 ♦♦♦WHAT THE BULLIES FROM MY SCHOOL ENDED UP DOING♦♦♦

1 – Killed self in a car accident while drink driving

2 – Locked up for molesting children

3 – whatever – Dunno, but with that sort of start I doubt they did much good. Kids of today: Don’t be an arsehole at school, it’ll only get worse!

Actually come to think of it my whole school year was a bit shitty. They were oh-so “mature”. When we were 11 – 12 we went to this Anglo-Saxon hill fort and I bought a toy axe in the gift shop, cue a years worth of bullying. The year after me all bought toy swords and were having mock battles on the bus.

Still the whole school in general had no sense of humour. An Irish bloke at my work was talking about how on one of the leaving days at his school the whole year all sat in thier classes quietly and patiently and played no pranks, which left the teachers baffled. Then they found out that six of the kids were missing, they had released some extremely well-fed pigeons into the open-plan upstairs! You could never have organised a whole year-wide prank like that at my school. The good/mental kids would have blabbed it to the teachers in five minutes flat and the bullies would just have laughed at the idea that somebody is trying to organise a big prank rather than loads of little ones.

Then again it wasn’t entirely confined to my year. The teachers had a crackdown on people standing up on the bus once. Oh how I dreamed of having the whole top deck of our bus stand up as one just as it went around the corner exiting the school. Of course If I’d had this idea, turned around to the people sitting behind me and told them to pass it on backwards through the bus they would probably have just looked at me like I’d shat on their shoes.

I tried…

Today I hoped to knock out a quick 12-page magazine full of short articles about British comics. But written in the style of a highly opinionated right-wing tabloid with lots of underlined closing sentences about how this is a national disgrace! (how can this blog software have strikethrough but NOT underline?). However my now-unemployed dad decided that today was the perfect day to sandpaper the doors upstairs. Because obviously a time when nobody else is here and trying to concentrate on drawing some ‘quick’ illustrations is too much to ask. Also obviously sandpapering the doors requires several windows to be flung wide open ‘because’, so I had to draw slowly and shiveringly while wearing a thick coat.

Still this slow door work will no doubt have a wonderful effect on my plans to knock out a heap of comic art over the Christmas holidays won’t it? I can’t draw with people around me at the best of times, let alone when said people were born incapable of embarrassment or situational awareness and keep leaning over asking “Uz thus fer yur curmiiiic?”.

Still it renewed my desire to go and work in Japan long-term whatever the cost. It’s like merely leaving the house is not insult enough, I have to go to the other side of the world to solidify my joy at things like quiet, warmth (well, maybe not in Japanese buildings in winter, but at least it will be cold of my own choosing!) and availability of bread because I’ve got more out of the freezer ahead of time.

Oh and I recently found a funny webcomic about eikaiwa workers that illustrates just what the ‘cost’ I’ll be going there ‘whatever’ is XD. http://www.teachenglishinjapan.ca/?pw-a=144468&pw-ab=30849&pw-b=110285607